Hookers’N’Dogs

Dear Men of the World: I probably don’t actually want to bang you

I don’t think I’m the only lady this happens to, but I’m supremely sick of it. The story goes, you’re having a conversation with a man–he can be a stranger, someone you’re helping in a service capacity, friend of a friend, enemy–anyone. The conversation is typically light and in no way flirtatious.

You say something like, “I’m going to grab another drink, would you like one?” or “Can I help you with anything else today?” or “You’re pretty drunk, do you have a ride home?” and he responds with “I have a girlfriend/I’m married.”

Men of the world, I’m glad you have a girlfriend or are married, but odds are, I did not want to bang you in the first place.  Is is so necessary to pre-emptively reject me before I had the chance to not make any sexual overtures?

This has happened over and over for as long as I have been having conversations with men, but I was re-reminded of it the other day via another blog of mine: closedstacks.wordpress.com.  I had written a blog commenting on a run-in with a library patron who wanted a book by Glenn Beck.  The encounter struck me as odd, so I wrote about it.

A conservative librarian read my words, took offense, and we had a merry squabble in the comments section culminating in me saying: “Clearly you and I will not be having dinner together anytime soon, John, and I’m sorry you feel I handled this poorly. I wouldn’t change anything that I did, however, and then next time a patron tries to engage me in political debate, I will deflect it in the same way.”

And him responding with: “I would love for my wife and I to have dinner with you. Because everyone has value.”

So, John and I are (at least politically) mortal enemies, but he still feels the need to tell me that he has committed himself on paper to another human being just in case I might be getting the wrong impression.  He also lives 1,058 miles away from me, and I don’t want to have dinner with him at all since just typing back and forth gave me a bit of a headache.

If movies and television have taught me anything, it’s that men actually hate or resent their wives and girlfriends for castrating their freedom to grunt and eat exclusively bacon.  Why then do they constantly inform uninterested parties of these ladies’ existence?  Is it so that they don’t get into trouble for withholding information from other females?  If I were to run into wife or girlfriend somewhere else and mentioned I’d clapped eyes on her mate once and he never told me about her would that relegate him to months on the couch?

It’s a sad state of affairs if one’s relationship is that pathetic, but that may just be the case.

Potential men I may meet someday, I just want you to know: I have a boyfriend.  There, now we can talk about something else.

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August 26, 2010 - Posted by | by theagirl, Gentleman Callers, seriously? | , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Great to see this in writing!! I realize I’ve never even talked to anybody about it, probably at least partly because it IS a form of rejection, though weirdly so.
    .
    I really do hate the apparent assumption that my engaging in conversation represents a search on my part for sex or romance – like you, I actually don’t have sex with all that many of the people I know or talk to!!
    .
    The worst such instance I can remember may contain the essence of these guys’ motivation: I’d snagged a last-minute house seat for a play in London and standing around waiting to get in, in a public place of course, and a fellow middle-aged playgoer started a conversation with me about the thing we were going to see. He also mentioned that he was supposed to meet someone and realized he wasn’t clear if he was in the right place. Right then the person he was waiting for showed up, and I said, believing self to be mannerly, oh good, your friend just said he was starting to worry about where you were, or something; the woman said, “I am not his FRIEND. I am HIS WIFE OF TWENTY-FIVE YEARS.”
    .
    I noticed they’d left at Intermission. I am hoping he walked out on his own fury at her for humiliating him, but I fear it was hers at him for conversing with another human without fully detailing his marital status.

    Comment by Virginia | August 26, 2010 | Reply


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